It is so sad when friendship comes with terms attached.
Belle
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Diary of Hatching an Egg
As I related before my ever inspiring and adventurous husband purchased 10 dozen eggs at our local livestock auction. After much research he gathered the parts for an incubator (thermometer, thermostat, water container, egg racks - we had all these items on hand) and proceded to put one together. The trickiest part was keeping the temperature between 99 and 100 degrees. The incubation process will not start until the 99 degree temp is achieved and held for several hours. However, much over 100 degrees will fry the eggs and burn the embryo neither of which was our desire. We want baby chicks!
After monitoring the temperature in our incubator for 24 hours, we felt we were safe in adding the eggs. During the loading process, a egg carton tumbled to the floor and we lost 5 eggs, oops!, but that is just the first accident in this process. We were able to load 7 dozen eggs in our incubator and felt we were on our way. At 50 cent a dozen, hubby and I feel this is an inexpensive trial run and if we get baby chicks, so much the better. On Monday, one egg crack during the turning process. Tuesday produced the same problem. If it continues, we will have to investigate further, but soft shell eggs are more difficult to hatch. Soft shells is the result of the lack of nutrients in the laying hen. Now in Day 4, we are anxious to see if we have learned anything in this process and if successful to celebrate the little hatchlings.
When a setting hen sits on her eggs, she turns them with her feet several times each day. If the eggs are not turned, the clear fluid (known as the egg white) will adher to the inside of the shell and the embryo will not develop properly resulting in physical deformity. Nutrients are contained in the egg white to nourish the little chicken embryo until it is developed and ready to hatch. So, we started the process and turn the eggs at least 3 times a day. It takes only 15 to 20 minutes. The hatching process will take about 20 days depending on - well a lot of things! I think I am getting into this process of egg hatching.
None of our hens will sit on the eggs we put in the nest. I know there could be several reasons, but maybe I just don't have a brooder. I wish for a broody hen right now.
Meanwhile, the new baby chicks are hungry little buggers and are taking in three bowls of food per day. I guess they are making up for the time lost living on egg whites. They are all over my hands as I fill their bowl and devour the food like they are being starved! Black with some light feathering of down on the throat to their front legs, they are beautiful. They are growing rapidly and in a few weeks we will get them ready to go in with the other hens. They are confined for now in a nice roomy pen safe and sound, except when the grandchildren come for a look. At this stage they are not allowed to handle them, both are too young to understand the need for restraint or the power of their little hands.
I was sad to see that one of the Metro Atlanta cities banned pet chickens from their city limits. Chickens are not noisy, make great pets, and teach children responsibility among other things. There was much discussion on the fecal matter causing an unpleasant odor, but unless you have a lot of chickens, there is no odor. I am afraid for those who perfer the smell of vehicle exhaust and smog over the natural odor of people and animals.
The baby chicks are waiting on me and I have chores to tend to. Sound like a farmer again, don't I? Thanks for dropping in and come back soon as the Diary of Hatching an Egg continues.
Happy reading!
Belle
After monitoring the temperature in our incubator for 24 hours, we felt we were safe in adding the eggs. During the loading process, a egg carton tumbled to the floor and we lost 5 eggs, oops!, but that is just the first accident in this process. We were able to load 7 dozen eggs in our incubator and felt we were on our way. At 50 cent a dozen, hubby and I feel this is an inexpensive trial run and if we get baby chicks, so much the better. On Monday, one egg crack during the turning process. Tuesday produced the same problem. If it continues, we will have to investigate further, but soft shell eggs are more difficult to hatch. Soft shells is the result of the lack of nutrients in the laying hen. Now in Day 4, we are anxious to see if we have learned anything in this process and if successful to celebrate the little hatchlings.
When a setting hen sits on her eggs, she turns them with her feet several times each day. If the eggs are not turned, the clear fluid (known as the egg white) will adher to the inside of the shell and the embryo will not develop properly resulting in physical deformity. Nutrients are contained in the egg white to nourish the little chicken embryo until it is developed and ready to hatch. So, we started the process and turn the eggs at least 3 times a day. It takes only 15 to 20 minutes. The hatching process will take about 20 days depending on - well a lot of things! I think I am getting into this process of egg hatching.
None of our hens will sit on the eggs we put in the nest. I know there could be several reasons, but maybe I just don't have a brooder. I wish for a broody hen right now.
Meanwhile, the new baby chicks are hungry little buggers and are taking in three bowls of food per day. I guess they are making up for the time lost living on egg whites. They are all over my hands as I fill their bowl and devour the food like they are being starved! Black with some light feathering of down on the throat to their front legs, they are beautiful. They are growing rapidly and in a few weeks we will get them ready to go in with the other hens. They are confined for now in a nice roomy pen safe and sound, except when the grandchildren come for a look. At this stage they are not allowed to handle them, both are too young to understand the need for restraint or the power of their little hands.
I was sad to see that one of the Metro Atlanta cities banned pet chickens from their city limits. Chickens are not noisy, make great pets, and teach children responsibility among other things. There was much discussion on the fecal matter causing an unpleasant odor, but unless you have a lot of chickens, there is no odor. I am afraid for those who perfer the smell of vehicle exhaust and smog over the natural odor of people and animals.
The baby chicks are waiting on me and I have chores to tend to. Sound like a farmer again, don't I? Thanks for dropping in and come back soon as the Diary of Hatching an Egg continues.
Happy reading!
Belle
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Friday Night Date
My Friday night date was very special. My husband took me to the local livestock auction featuring 350+ cages of rabbits, chickens, guineas, turkeys, pheasants, ducks, and geese and then throw in the goats, calves, emus, and sheep. It was quite a night at Buggytown Auction Barn!
We arrived a little late for the miscellaneous sale which usually starts at 6:00, but must have started around 5:30 on Friday night. Anything goes during the miscellaneous sale and we have seen some really good buys during this sale. Advertising signs, truck parts, tractor accessories and parts, cookware, handtools, work gloves and so much more are included. Some people come for this sale only and then others stay for the livestock.
On Friday night, there were not as many goats as from previous weeks and prices on the goats were higher. The price of calves on the otherhand were down - small (two week old) were selling between $16 and $22 per head compared to $65 a head a couple of weeks ago. There were also several nannies with babies that I would have bought in a minute if I had a good spot to put them. One little family of black goats stole my heart for a little while, but I got over it and waited patiently for the chickens.
Some of the auctioneers tend to dawdle over the livestock and attempt to draw a higher bid out of the audience. The owner of the auction will move right along and if you want to bid you better be on your toes and make sure you are seen.
Usually, hatching eggs are sold between the miscellaneous merchandise and the small livestock. Friday night however, all the eggs did not get sold during this time so were presented before the poultry and rabbits. As I walked back into the bidding area from reviewing the poultry in the back of the building, my dear hubby was saying $.50 a dozen, that's a deal and ask me what I thought. Well, this is what I heard out of all the commotion - from the auctioneer "50 cents a dozen but there is only 10" from my hubby "that's a deal, what do you think?" My response, "whatever you want dear" - big,big mistake. Well, 10 dozen hatching eggs are now on my kitchen table waiting to go in the incubator my hubby has rigged up. Okay, I now know to keep my eyes and ears open and to never, ever leave my hubby alone at an auction. Well, it doesn't matter whether he is alone or not, because not more than thirty minutes later with me safely at his side, he was calling out his number again and had bought 5 baby black giants for $1.50 each.
At this point I gave him my sternest look and said "No more!" He has the most innocent smile - he never committed to the "no more", but I did get a "we'll see." We have increased our flock by 120 eggs (which if estimates are correct we should get 60 chicks, but it will take 21 days once the hatching process is started) and 5 chicks. Oh my, we are now chicken farmers. I will admit our chickens have made wonderful pets, are no trouble to care for, and bring many hours of joy. They enjoy a good game of race when we give them scaps of lettuce or celery and compete for our attention in a friendly manner. Some of them are real show offs.
Whether it was the seller or just the turnover of the buyers, the price of chickens were up and down. Some beautiful roosters went for $3.50 a piece early on then the price quickly jumped to as high as $15. The same with the chickens, but the highest price I remember was $18 a head for a pair of black copper morans. (I know that is probably not what the auctioneer meant to say, but that is what these ears heard. Beautiful long tail pheasants brought $26 a head while one big tom turkey sold for over a hundred. I can't figure out the logic, but it is always interesting to see what draws a persons interest. I learned there is a chicken/turkey mix called a turken. They described them as turkey neck chickens.
We left at 11:45 with the sale still going strong, but it was a little late for me (it was past my bedtime). There were still cages and more cages of poultry and we were told later it was around 1:30 before all was over.
That is the best $12.50 date I have had in a long while! Every time we go I learn something new and see something unusual. And everytime I make the trip the kid in me comes out and I get that "daddy please?" syndrome. I love animals! And yes in a couple of weeks, I will have another Friday Night Date, but this time I am taping hubby's hands to his side.
Next week maybe you can have an exciting, educational Friday Night Date. Try a visit to the Buggytown Auction on Highway 341 south of Barnesville. In the meantime, thanks for dropping by.
Happy Reading!
Belle
We arrived a little late for the miscellaneous sale which usually starts at 6:00, but must have started around 5:30 on Friday night. Anything goes during the miscellaneous sale and we have seen some really good buys during this sale. Advertising signs, truck parts, tractor accessories and parts, cookware, handtools, work gloves and so much more are included. Some people come for this sale only and then others stay for the livestock.
On Friday night, there were not as many goats as from previous weeks and prices on the goats were higher. The price of calves on the otherhand were down - small (two week old) were selling between $16 and $22 per head compared to $65 a head a couple of weeks ago. There were also several nannies with babies that I would have bought in a minute if I had a good spot to put them. One little family of black goats stole my heart for a little while, but I got over it and waited patiently for the chickens.
Some of the auctioneers tend to dawdle over the livestock and attempt to draw a higher bid out of the audience. The owner of the auction will move right along and if you want to bid you better be on your toes and make sure you are seen.
Usually, hatching eggs are sold between the miscellaneous merchandise and the small livestock. Friday night however, all the eggs did not get sold during this time so were presented before the poultry and rabbits. As I walked back into the bidding area from reviewing the poultry in the back of the building, my dear hubby was saying $.50 a dozen, that's a deal and ask me what I thought. Well, this is what I heard out of all the commotion - from the auctioneer "50 cents a dozen but there is only 10" from my hubby "that's a deal, what do you think?" My response, "whatever you want dear" - big,big mistake. Well, 10 dozen hatching eggs are now on my kitchen table waiting to go in the incubator my hubby has rigged up. Okay, I now know to keep my eyes and ears open and to never, ever leave my hubby alone at an auction. Well, it doesn't matter whether he is alone or not, because not more than thirty minutes later with me safely at his side, he was calling out his number again and had bought 5 baby black giants for $1.50 each.
At this point I gave him my sternest look and said "No more!" He has the most innocent smile - he never committed to the "no more", but I did get a "we'll see." We have increased our flock by 120 eggs (which if estimates are correct we should get 60 chicks, but it will take 21 days once the hatching process is started) and 5 chicks. Oh my, we are now chicken farmers. I will admit our chickens have made wonderful pets, are no trouble to care for, and bring many hours of joy. They enjoy a good game of race when we give them scaps of lettuce or celery and compete for our attention in a friendly manner. Some of them are real show offs.
Whether it was the seller or just the turnover of the buyers, the price of chickens were up and down. Some beautiful roosters went for $3.50 a piece early on then the price quickly jumped to as high as $15. The same with the chickens, but the highest price I remember was $18 a head for a pair of black copper morans. (I know that is probably not what the auctioneer meant to say, but that is what these ears heard. Beautiful long tail pheasants brought $26 a head while one big tom turkey sold for over a hundred. I can't figure out the logic, but it is always interesting to see what draws a persons interest. I learned there is a chicken/turkey mix called a turken. They described them as turkey neck chickens.
We left at 11:45 with the sale still going strong, but it was a little late for me (it was past my bedtime). There were still cages and more cages of poultry and we were told later it was around 1:30 before all was over.
That is the best $12.50 date I have had in a long while! Every time we go I learn something new and see something unusual. And everytime I make the trip the kid in me comes out and I get that "daddy please?" syndrome. I love animals! And yes in a couple of weeks, I will have another Friday Night Date, but this time I am taping hubby's hands to his side.
Next week maybe you can have an exciting, educational Friday Night Date. Try a visit to the Buggytown Auction on Highway 341 south of Barnesville. In the meantime, thanks for dropping by.
Happy Reading!
Belle
Friday, March 19, 2010
Yeah! It's Friday
I admit I must be a little touched, but I love the smell of animals. I guess it comes from being raised on a dairy farm, but nothing smells better than a field of cows on a warm summer day. Goats, well, they are a different story. The smelliest of all animals - emus.
A couple of weeks ago we went to the auction barn and on exiting the truck and overwhelming odor blasted us. There were over 200 hundred goats at the barn that evening and I could not believe the stench. Know I realize that the lover of goats probably think there is no better smell, as does the pig farmer, but really, there is nothing warm and cozy feeling about either.
Tonight means another trip to the auction barn and hopefully all the goat trading has taken place and we can move right on to the chickens, ducks and geese. I love the beautiful silkies and would buy one for a pet, but every farm animal I have ever made a pet of, ended up in the frying pan. I just don't think I could face that again. Poor Blackie, my pet calf who grew to be an enormous cow, was really good eating once I got past the memories of her letting me lay against her belly while I read. She became meat for the freezer when an even larger cow dumped her upside down in the feed trough. We didn't try CPR as it took an hour or so just to haul her out of the trough via the tractor and a winch. How would you do CPR on a cow? Not sure, but such is life, but I don't think silkies are grown for eating.
It is suppose to be warm, warm, warm today and I might just get my feet in some dirt. It is starting to look like an outside day already! Have lots to do so I better get to it. Thanks for visiting with me and drop in again soon.
Happy reading!
Belle
A couple of weeks ago we went to the auction barn and on exiting the truck and overwhelming odor blasted us. There were over 200 hundred goats at the barn that evening and I could not believe the stench. Know I realize that the lover of goats probably think there is no better smell, as does the pig farmer, but really, there is nothing warm and cozy feeling about either.
Tonight means another trip to the auction barn and hopefully all the goat trading has taken place and we can move right on to the chickens, ducks and geese. I love the beautiful silkies and would buy one for a pet, but every farm animal I have ever made a pet of, ended up in the frying pan. I just don't think I could face that again. Poor Blackie, my pet calf who grew to be an enormous cow, was really good eating once I got past the memories of her letting me lay against her belly while I read. She became meat for the freezer when an even larger cow dumped her upside down in the feed trough. We didn't try CPR as it took an hour or so just to haul her out of the trough via the tractor and a winch. How would you do CPR on a cow? Not sure, but such is life, but I don't think silkies are grown for eating.
It is suppose to be warm, warm, warm today and I might just get my feet in some dirt. It is starting to look like an outside day already! Have lots to do so I better get to it. Thanks for visiting with me and drop in again soon.
Happy reading!
Belle
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Still no job and I haven't received any large checks from the publishing world, so I have decided to try an on line store with Etsy. During the early 1980s I had a toy and hobby shop which lasted a whole two and a half years - the early 1980s were not the time for any new venture, but especially a toy store. I had a great time with all the kids and they enjoyed the store, especially the hobby shop in the back where they could put together models and build their model rockets. It was everything I had hoped for only it didn't make any money - so we packed up and everything went into storage. Over the years much of the merchandise deterioted even in storage, but I managed to keep several containers well sealed and intact.
It has been a joy to once again go through all the stuffed animals, figurines, and other items that tickled my fancy then and makes me smile now. I had planned on selling these treasures at one of our yard sales and then for kicks started checking on-line to see if some may be collectibles. Oh my goodness! Yes, I had sold a $46 bear for $2.00 at one yard sale! I reconnected with the collecting world and found I have a treasure trove in my little boxes. I am slowly getting these little darlings unfrumped (storage makes them flat) and pictures made and posted. I would love a visit from you at my new shop. You can visit me at http://www.clairecollections.etsy.com/ - at least I think that is right. I am new at this, but I am learning fast. My daughter has a shop that brings her much joy and keeps her creativity flowing. I think when I get over the newness I will have as much fun. I plan to add a section featuring my sewing projects, but that will come with time.
I have not given up on my writing, just added some variety to my life. My Spy Girls are still in the works and Sam and Zeb still have many adventures before them. I am also working on another completely different line so we will see how that progresses. I dreamed a story for the spy girls the other night but did not get up and write it down, so it is gone for now, but I know I will get it back in the next day or so.
Thanks for visiting!
Happy reading!
Belle
It has been a joy to once again go through all the stuffed animals, figurines, and other items that tickled my fancy then and makes me smile now. I had planned on selling these treasures at one of our yard sales and then for kicks started checking on-line to see if some may be collectibles. Oh my goodness! Yes, I had sold a $46 bear for $2.00 at one yard sale! I reconnected with the collecting world and found I have a treasure trove in my little boxes. I am slowly getting these little darlings unfrumped (storage makes them flat) and pictures made and posted. I would love a visit from you at my new shop. You can visit me at http://www.clairecollections.etsy.com/ - at least I think that is right. I am new at this, but I am learning fast. My daughter has a shop that brings her much joy and keeps her creativity flowing. I think when I get over the newness I will have as much fun. I plan to add a section featuring my sewing projects, but that will come with time.
I have not given up on my writing, just added some variety to my life. My Spy Girls are still in the works and Sam and Zeb still have many adventures before them. I am also working on another completely different line so we will see how that progresses. I dreamed a story for the spy girls the other night but did not get up and write it down, so it is gone for now, but I know I will get it back in the next day or so.
Thanks for visiting!
Happy reading!
Belle
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Back to the Basics
Those days of one or two eggs are hopefully gone. One day last week we found four little beauties in the coop and yesterday hubby brought in three. With more sunshine and warmer temps these little darlings should start really producing. Not much sunshine today, but the weather is still warm here in central Georgia - at least there is no snow and ice!
Hubby decided to double the garden size this year and I am much afraid that he is about to double it again. With all the good veggies we harvested last year, he has found many new things he would like to grow. The potatoes, beets and bush beans are planted as is the asparagus. As much as I love fresh corn, it is not an efficient crop to grow. With only two or three ears to a stalk, the time and cost of the seeds, in planting and fertilizing does not equal a profitable return. We'll see if we can still get a dozen ears for a dollar this year. I may be way out of line with my thinking on this one.
I am growin my lettuce in containers this year. It will be easier to manage and will provide a lovely addition to the deck. I found some seeds for that delicious buttercrunch lettuce that I am more than ready to get planted, as well as some green leaf lettcue. I haven't tried to grow any of the oriental varieties, but the foliage on the ones I have looked at in the seed catalogue is so pretty I may try a container of those also.
The squash of last year was so good that we will definitely plant more of it as well as the okra. I will also put in some zucchini this year. Zucchini with some spicy deer sausage and tomatoes make a tasty sauce for pasta of any kind. Okra will go in last as the ground has to be warmed for the okra to sprout. Celebrity and rutgers are my tomatoes of choice, but we will see what hubby finds. He has been seed shopping and has found some pretty interesting varieties this year. Looks like my spring is already full, if I get all this stuff planted. Let's just hope the neighbor's chicken don't rape the garden as they did last year. They ate the seeds as fast as I put them in and those that did germinate provided fodder for those chicks all summer - they got more tomatoes than I did!
The warmer weather and the increase in sunshine has been a healing balm to my mind. It has been jumping with ideas which is a great relief as I was afraid my creativity was gone for good, so I guess I better get started on me an Etsy site so I can share my creations with the world. Who would have thought in the 1970s that we could reach so many people at one time via a keyboard and a internet connection as we do today. That is what thinking outside the box will do for you!
I thank you for dropping by and wish for you a peaceful and happy day.
Happy reading!
Belle
Hubby decided to double the garden size this year and I am much afraid that he is about to double it again. With all the good veggies we harvested last year, he has found many new things he would like to grow. The potatoes, beets and bush beans are planted as is the asparagus. As much as I love fresh corn, it is not an efficient crop to grow. With only two or three ears to a stalk, the time and cost of the seeds, in planting and fertilizing does not equal a profitable return. We'll see if we can still get a dozen ears for a dollar this year. I may be way out of line with my thinking on this one.
I am growin my lettuce in containers this year. It will be easier to manage and will provide a lovely addition to the deck. I found some seeds for that delicious buttercrunch lettuce that I am more than ready to get planted, as well as some green leaf lettcue. I haven't tried to grow any of the oriental varieties, but the foliage on the ones I have looked at in the seed catalogue is so pretty I may try a container of those also.
The squash of last year was so good that we will definitely plant more of it as well as the okra. I will also put in some zucchini this year. Zucchini with some spicy deer sausage and tomatoes make a tasty sauce for pasta of any kind. Okra will go in last as the ground has to be warmed for the okra to sprout. Celebrity and rutgers are my tomatoes of choice, but we will see what hubby finds. He has been seed shopping and has found some pretty interesting varieties this year. Looks like my spring is already full, if I get all this stuff planted. Let's just hope the neighbor's chicken don't rape the garden as they did last year. They ate the seeds as fast as I put them in and those that did germinate provided fodder for those chicks all summer - they got more tomatoes than I did!
The warmer weather and the increase in sunshine has been a healing balm to my mind. It has been jumping with ideas which is a great relief as I was afraid my creativity was gone for good, so I guess I better get started on me an Etsy site so I can share my creations with the world. Who would have thought in the 1970s that we could reach so many people at one time via a keyboard and a internet connection as we do today. That is what thinking outside the box will do for you!
I thank you for dropping by and wish for you a peaceful and happy day.
Happy reading!
Belle
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Reflections
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
Exodus 20:12 NIV
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor you father and mother" --which is the first commandment with a promise -- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.""
Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. " For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:28-33 NIV
When do we stop being children? What is the point in our lives when we stop obeying our parents and make our own decisions for our life? Is it at the point of marriage? There is no where is the Bible that says you are no longer a child at 18 or 21.
Some parents don't know when to let go - to let their children lead their own lives and be responsible for their own decisions and actions. Some children don't know when to quit depending on their parents, after all it is much easier to let someone else take care of you than it is to to take care of yourself.
As children, we rant and rail against parental control, yet when we reach adulthood we find that life is not so easy. Many would rather let their parents make the decisions. In the same vein, some parents are afraid of being alone so they make their children dependent on them thereby inhibiting their child's emotional and psychological growth.
What happens when the parents are gone? A dependent child, unable to make decisions on their own, will flounder, be confused and may not seem to grieve for their lost parent. They will search for someone else to be their caretaker, to help them make decisions. An independent child will feel grief for their lost, but will continue with little interruption in their day to day living.
Some parents try to control their children so much that when adulthood is reached, the child escapes to get away from their parents. Some move away, some cut off all contact with their parents. Others are so afraid of making a mistake they stay under their parent's control where they feel safe.
A man gets married and establishes a home for he and his wife. He is intelligent, well adjusted, works hard and provides well for his family. Over the years drastic changes occur in his parent's lives. They become confused and start to flounder. They become emotionally dependent on their son. This emotional dependency rapidly progresses to a desire to be the "child's" parent and exercise parental control once again. This well established, self sufficient man balks at the interference in his life. To stop the interference and control the man shuns his parents and severs all ties leaving him feeling bereft and angry and his parents frustrated and angry.
A woman raised in a harsh disciplinary home gets married and moves away. This woman was well prepared for the world as she had taken care of her parent's household and learned to be independent. She and her husband establish their own home and began their family. As the years past, her parent's retire and as time passes they lose their contacts and failed to remain active. They turned their focus on their daughter's life again trying to exercise parental control. The unwelcome intrusion into this woman's life causes many rifts and heartaches. She now limits her contact with her parents.
A man raised in an unstable household, gets married and moves not far from his parents. He works hard every day and builds a family. However, he continues to go to his father and mother for support and help in his decision making. When his family falls apart he returns to the home of his father. As time passes, he loses both parents and is left alone. He does not know which direction to go and searches to find help from others.
My earlier post addressed the question of what makes a good parent. We take what we think is the best part of how we were raised and apply it to the raising of our children. Our children will hopefully do the same. As children we turn to our parents for guidance, security, and support.
Adult children can still find comfort and security in a relationship with their parents, but you must set guidelines for yourself (you cannot control your parents actions) and stick with those guidelines. It starts with viewing your parents as individuals, not as your parents - if you are close to your parents, then view them as a close friend. But remember, they are people with their own interests, habits, customs, lifestyle. You do not always agree with choices your friends make, why would you expect to always agree to the choices your parents make? Unless you are financially dependent on your parents, do not discuss your financial situation with them - if they probe, tell them it is none of their business. It may hurt their feelings at first, but it will stop a lot of frustration and anger on your part and most people don't discuss finances with their friends.
Find a common ground between you and your parents. Always try to be positive. If you don't want to be ridiculed, don't ridicule your parents - believe me, parents are fully aware of the mistakes they have made. Don't bring up unpleasant incidences from the past. I have many bad memories of my childhood, but they are my memories - no one else remembers in the same way or with the same feelings I have. Don't bring your siblings into the mix. Your parents relationship with your siblings are their business. Don't judge - God will take care of that. Don't allow your parents to pull out the guilt trip bag. The past is over, it can't be undone. What you did when you were 16 should have been handled at the time. Too late now to relive or judge what should or should not have been done. Gifts are gifts. I have heard so many times "you forget I gave you" or "after all I have done for you" - it doesn't matter! If it was not given freely and with a loving heart, it wasn't a gift at all and if it is something that can be returned - do so! Reminders of things given is another venue of manipulation and has no place in a parent child relationship and certainly not in a friendship.
If you have to say you are sorry - do so with meaning - know why you are sorry. Explain yourself with kindness. My parents are now old (I hope they don't read this) and old people can be mean, hateful, and spiteful. It is okay, you don't know what these people we call parents are carrying on their hearts. It could be regret, loneliness, defeat, loss, or just confusion. I see so much hate and bitterness in this world. Be nice!
Now I am going to repeat myself - children do not come with instructions. BUT, the Bible is the best instruction book I have found for living life and that includes raising children. When things get rough there are a multitude of scriptures to ease our hearts and minds.
Thank you for dropping by!
Happy reading!
Belle
Exodus 20:12 NIV
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor you father and mother" --which is the first commandment with a promise -- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.""
Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. " For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:28-33 NIV
When do we stop being children? What is the point in our lives when we stop obeying our parents and make our own decisions for our life? Is it at the point of marriage? There is no where is the Bible that says you are no longer a child at 18 or 21.
Some parents don't know when to let go - to let their children lead their own lives and be responsible for their own decisions and actions. Some children don't know when to quit depending on their parents, after all it is much easier to let someone else take care of you than it is to to take care of yourself.
As children, we rant and rail against parental control, yet when we reach adulthood we find that life is not so easy. Many would rather let their parents make the decisions. In the same vein, some parents are afraid of being alone so they make their children dependent on them thereby inhibiting their child's emotional and psychological growth.
What happens when the parents are gone? A dependent child, unable to make decisions on their own, will flounder, be confused and may not seem to grieve for their lost parent. They will search for someone else to be their caretaker, to help them make decisions. An independent child will feel grief for their lost, but will continue with little interruption in their day to day living.
Some parents try to control their children so much that when adulthood is reached, the child escapes to get away from their parents. Some move away, some cut off all contact with their parents. Others are so afraid of making a mistake they stay under their parent's control where they feel safe.
A man gets married and establishes a home for he and his wife. He is intelligent, well adjusted, works hard and provides well for his family. Over the years drastic changes occur in his parent's lives. They become confused and start to flounder. They become emotionally dependent on their son. This emotional dependency rapidly progresses to a desire to be the "child's" parent and exercise parental control once again. This well established, self sufficient man balks at the interference in his life. To stop the interference and control the man shuns his parents and severs all ties leaving him feeling bereft and angry and his parents frustrated and angry.
A woman raised in a harsh disciplinary home gets married and moves away. This woman was well prepared for the world as she had taken care of her parent's household and learned to be independent. She and her husband establish their own home and began their family. As the years past, her parent's retire and as time passes they lose their contacts and failed to remain active. They turned their focus on their daughter's life again trying to exercise parental control. The unwelcome intrusion into this woman's life causes many rifts and heartaches. She now limits her contact with her parents.
A man raised in an unstable household, gets married and moves not far from his parents. He works hard every day and builds a family. However, he continues to go to his father and mother for support and help in his decision making. When his family falls apart he returns to the home of his father. As time passes, he loses both parents and is left alone. He does not know which direction to go and searches to find help from others.
My earlier post addressed the question of what makes a good parent. We take what we think is the best part of how we were raised and apply it to the raising of our children. Our children will hopefully do the same. As children we turn to our parents for guidance, security, and support.
Adult children can still find comfort and security in a relationship with their parents, but you must set guidelines for yourself (you cannot control your parents actions) and stick with those guidelines. It starts with viewing your parents as individuals, not as your parents - if you are close to your parents, then view them as a close friend. But remember, they are people with their own interests, habits, customs, lifestyle. You do not always agree with choices your friends make, why would you expect to always agree to the choices your parents make? Unless you are financially dependent on your parents, do not discuss your financial situation with them - if they probe, tell them it is none of their business. It may hurt their feelings at first, but it will stop a lot of frustration and anger on your part and most people don't discuss finances with their friends.
Find a common ground between you and your parents. Always try to be positive. If you don't want to be ridiculed, don't ridicule your parents - believe me, parents are fully aware of the mistakes they have made. Don't bring up unpleasant incidences from the past. I have many bad memories of my childhood, but they are my memories - no one else remembers in the same way or with the same feelings I have. Don't bring your siblings into the mix. Your parents relationship with your siblings are their business. Don't judge - God will take care of that. Don't allow your parents to pull out the guilt trip bag. The past is over, it can't be undone. What you did when you were 16 should have been handled at the time. Too late now to relive or judge what should or should not have been done. Gifts are gifts. I have heard so many times "you forget I gave you" or "after all I have done for you" - it doesn't matter! If it was not given freely and with a loving heart, it wasn't a gift at all and if it is something that can be returned - do so! Reminders of things given is another venue of manipulation and has no place in a parent child relationship and certainly not in a friendship.
If you have to say you are sorry - do so with meaning - know why you are sorry. Explain yourself with kindness. My parents are now old (I hope they don't read this) and old people can be mean, hateful, and spiteful. It is okay, you don't know what these people we call parents are carrying on their hearts. It could be regret, loneliness, defeat, loss, or just confusion. I see so much hate and bitterness in this world. Be nice!
Now I am going to repeat myself - children do not come with instructions. BUT, the Bible is the best instruction book I have found for living life and that includes raising children. When things get rough there are a multitude of scriptures to ease our hearts and minds.
Thank you for dropping by!
Happy reading!
Belle
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A Good Parent
Birthing a child does not come with instructions. There is no step by step plan on how to be a good mother and fathering a child is the same. Much is handed down either intentionally or unintentionally from family to family - traditions, religion, values, views on education, morals. Very few families operate alike. Social courtesies, religious beliefs, common manners, study habits, eating habits, all of these are differ between families, some in a major way and others in minor ways. As we grow, develop and learn, we change our views on the way we were raised and the things we were taught and in turn develop our own values.
With time and development, children find many faults in their parents that they were not aware of before. It is amazing when we find that our parents are not the final authority and usually this is the age when we are the ones making the decisions. This is the time when we wonder "Why can't my dad/mom be like so-and-so?" We admire something in someone else and wish it for ourselves or our family. I remember wishing that our family had Bible reading and prayer everynight before bed. My Uncle did this with his family and there was a closeness and a sense of security within the family that I felt my family lacked. But as a parent, even though I started the process it only continued for a few months with many excuses of getting a bath or needing to study taking precedence over the Bible and prayer time. My father would rise at 4:30 every morning and read his Bible for an hour, but did not share this time with his family and we never even thought of interrupting his Bible study. I wish now I had made this a number one priority rather than a something extra.
So what makes a good parent? I believe that if our parents raise us to have the education and ability to be responsible for ourselves, not depending on others, to be of good moral character, to respect others, to live within the law and have a reverent fear of God, then they have done their job. We are all individuals. We all have learned behaviors and inherited traits that determine who we are and who we become. What is very important to one may not make a hill of beans to another. We can set the values for ourselves, but no matter how hard we try we cannot set the values for others - not our children, our parents, or our friends. It is a relief when we realize that we don't have to live with the values of others, but how devastated we feel when our children reject our values - that doesn't mean we don't love them. The parent child relationship is a continually rolling ball from one generation to the next.
What brought this thought process on is a great unknown! As a favorite cuz always says "who knows what she is thinking" and then these little thoughts just jump right up there and run like crazy! I hope you enjoy your day and thanks for dropping in!
Happy Reading!
Belle
With time and development, children find many faults in their parents that they were not aware of before. It is amazing when we find that our parents are not the final authority and usually this is the age when we are the ones making the decisions. This is the time when we wonder "Why can't my dad/mom be like so-and-so?" We admire something in someone else and wish it for ourselves or our family. I remember wishing that our family had Bible reading and prayer everynight before bed. My Uncle did this with his family and there was a closeness and a sense of security within the family that I felt my family lacked. But as a parent, even though I started the process it only continued for a few months with many excuses of getting a bath or needing to study taking precedence over the Bible and prayer time. My father would rise at 4:30 every morning and read his Bible for an hour, but did not share this time with his family and we never even thought of interrupting his Bible study. I wish now I had made this a number one priority rather than a something extra.
So what makes a good parent? I believe that if our parents raise us to have the education and ability to be responsible for ourselves, not depending on others, to be of good moral character, to respect others, to live within the law and have a reverent fear of God, then they have done their job. We are all individuals. We all have learned behaviors and inherited traits that determine who we are and who we become. What is very important to one may not make a hill of beans to another. We can set the values for ourselves, but no matter how hard we try we cannot set the values for others - not our children, our parents, or our friends. It is a relief when we realize that we don't have to live with the values of others, but how devastated we feel when our children reject our values - that doesn't mean we don't love them. The parent child relationship is a continually rolling ball from one generation to the next.
What brought this thought process on is a great unknown! As a favorite cuz always says "who knows what she is thinking" and then these little thoughts just jump right up there and run like crazy! I hope you enjoy your day and thanks for dropping in!
Happy Reading!
Belle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)